I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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