They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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