you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
