listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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