I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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