you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
