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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize