White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
