Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
