remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
