i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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