clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
