its not stalking. its research.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
