We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
