ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
