Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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