Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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