You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize