I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
