i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
