6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
