Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
