i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
