i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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