im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize