I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
