My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
worst night to have a conscience
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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