somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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