I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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