you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
