i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
