But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
