Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
