dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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