I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
