so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
whose parrot is this?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
