i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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