The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
