Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
