when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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