The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
