My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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