I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
