its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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