I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
