and you said cock pushups were impossible
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
