I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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