She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
