omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
