Whod you bang
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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