Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
