They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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