you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
