too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize