I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
