I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
