My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
