Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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