oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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