kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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