I must be too annoying 4 u.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
