Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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