He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize