OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How does one acquire holy water?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
