Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
