I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
