I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize