I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
