Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
